I have a really great job. I love the company that I work for and absolutely love my team. Managing others is a major joy for me and I truly believe it to be one of my strengths. That being said, working with others is always going to have its stresses. Sometimes, when I've had a full week, I really do not want to see anyone for a while. I want alone time.
But then comes the dichotomy of that: without human interaction, I get extremely depressed.
This week was no exception to this. The whole week I kept thinking about the weekend and how exciting it was to have two full days of interacting with only my husband. And then, the invites for social events started pouring in and of course, I couldn't resist the thought of chatting about something that wasn't work with some close friends.
And then yesterday happened. I woke up in the middle of a night with a panic attack. Not sure what prompted it or why. So that set the tone for the entire day. I had back-to-back meetings and plenty of work. I was exhausted and of course, forgot to eat lunch. This was enough for me to have an emotional breakdown on its own (I get pretty HANGRY) but one more thing would surely set me over the edge.
I also anticipated working late yesterday and kept thinking about all of the shit I needed to do at home.
Then at 4PM I get a text stating that my grandpa, who had been in pain and sick, was diagnosed with cancer. I got pretty hysterical. Still am. At the moment, I wanted to scream at everyone around me and have them tell me it was going to be OK and for them to hug me and let me cry on their shoulder. I also wanted to see not a single person's dumb face ever again.
I only tell all of this because I've realized, that the same thing that stresses me out rejuvenates and assists me in recovering from stress: Human interaction.
I've been described as both an extrovert and an introvert in the past but truth is:
I'm obviously not a fucking introvert. I'm probably not an extrovert, either.
Lately, I've been seeing a lot of posts online about personality tests and tons of articles regarding how introverts rule the world or some shit or that they're singled out and misunderstood (that's not a jab at anyone... I promise) and every time I see these posts I turn a little inward. Introverts aren't fucking unicorns. Recently, it seems like it's pretty trendy to self-identify as an introvert. Personalities, how you handle stress, etc. is not a trend. (Also, if the point of self-identifying is to find yourself and make sure that you are handling your own personal issues per your personality type, why the fuck are you sharing it on the internet?)
What the hell is wrong with humanity that everything needs a definition? Let me tell you a secret:
EVERYONE IS FUCKING SPECIAL.
All that to say, deal with stress how you need. Don't hurt other people and obviously, don't hurt yourself. But there doesn't need to be a case study trying to define what is best for your personality. You're an individual. Find what works for you and own it.
I apologize if this is a jumbled mess and just a rant. But really...